Hang out or Get out
I've been thinking about Sean Taylor a lot the past few days.
When I heard he'd been shot, it was in passing while I was buzzing off to do something else. I remember thinking, "That's too bad." Then when I heard he'd died, I was sad.
Not because I'm a Redskins fan. I'm not.
Not because I'm a University of Miami fan. Although I am and Taylor was a former Hurricane.
But because anytime a young person dies, under any circumstance, I'm sad. I'm sad at the lost potential, the impact that person could have had on the world around them. And I ache for their family.
There's a great deal of commentary on Taylor's life and death in today's Washington Post but one tiny phrase within Michael Wilbon's column struck me, made me stop reading and think for a few seconds.
Wilbon tackles the issue of young, black men dying - taking Taylor's death out of the context of sports and putting it back into perspective of life in general.
He says, "Most of us, perhaps even the great majority of us who grew up in urban communities, have to make a decision at some point to hang out or get out."
He's talking about how tough it is for people to turn their back on those they grew up with or abandon the neighborhoods that nurtured them for good, bad or indifferent before they made it to the next level in their lives.
I'm not sure we - society at large - gives enough creedance to just how crucial that reality is.
Hang out or get out.
It struck me because I write YA fiction. And at the crux of a lot of teen angst is peer pressure of some sort. Sometimes pressure from the wider circle i.e. the student population of one's school or from the more intimate circle that is an individual's friends.
One of my series' characters, Jacinta, faces that very dilemma. She's from a low-income neighborhood, but is transplanted against her will to a middle class suburb in Del Rio Bay. Throughout the series, I deal with Jacinta's struggle to enjoy life in the 'burbs while staying loyal to her boyfriend and friend back in her old nabe. In other words, she's not sure whether to get out or hang out.
The way Wilbon put it sums it up so perfectly. I'd never thought about it so simply until now. And never, has the thought of having to choose to do one or the other, struck me so vehemently.
The truth is, we don't ever really grow out of peer pressure. We merely learn to deal with it better as we grow into adulthood.
If you say you don't run into peer pressure as an adult, you're either lying or unaware how to define that pressure. It could be as simple as your friends harassing you because you've missed one too many girls/boy's night out -or- family riding your back because you didn't bother to show at the last gathering.
The pressure's still there, we just don't lose sleep when we buck it.
I'm not going to wax on about whether or not Sean Taylor's "past" had anything to do with his death. Or whether he chose too late to get out. It's not my place. And I'm not familiar enough with him or his background to add anything articulate to the discussion.
But I've had my fair share of ribbing from people about the bad boy antics of Miami players, when they find out I'm a U fan. Miami players are notorious for their off-field behavior, to the point that it's no secret some view them little more as thugs pursuing a degree.
Unfair, because what's not emphasized is that these guys are still young. Very young.
Don't we all remember what it's like to be so young that we can't fathom there being any real serious consequence to our actions? Drugs, sex, violence, crime...whatever.
Don't we remember what it's like to go along with the crowd (be it our roomates, suite mates, or team mates) simply because we're caught up in life at the moment?
If we don't, we should.
Because many young people face the very real choice of hanging out or getting out within various situations. Some make bad choices because they can't see beyond their current situation. They may end up hanging out, because they don't realize they can get out.
They don't realize they can make other friends. That eventually, like-minded follks find one another.
True, it's not always easy. And it's damn lonely to be on your own until you find a new support system - but it can be done.
But we have to find another way to help them make that choice. It's not enough to present the choice, there have to be alternatives offered and close guidance on next steps for those who decide to get out.
It's easy to direct someone to make that choice, when you're secure in your own lifestyle. But next time you shake your head, in frustration, because a young person didn't get out fast enough or because you simply don't understand why they refuse to make the choice, ask yourself if you've done anything to help those near you to make a similiar choice.
When I heard he'd been shot, it was in passing while I was buzzing off to do something else. I remember thinking, "That's too bad." Then when I heard he'd died, I was sad.
Not because I'm a Redskins fan. I'm not.
Not because I'm a University of Miami fan. Although I am and Taylor was a former Hurricane.
But because anytime a young person dies, under any circumstance, I'm sad. I'm sad at the lost potential, the impact that person could have had on the world around them. And I ache for their family.
There's a great deal of commentary on Taylor's life and death in today's Washington Post but one tiny phrase within Michael Wilbon's column struck me, made me stop reading and think for a few seconds.
Wilbon tackles the issue of young, black men dying - taking Taylor's death out of the context of sports and putting it back into perspective of life in general.
He says, "Most of us, perhaps even the great majority of us who grew up in urban communities, have to make a decision at some point to hang out or get out."
He's talking about how tough it is for people to turn their back on those they grew up with or abandon the neighborhoods that nurtured them for good, bad or indifferent before they made it to the next level in their lives.
I'm not sure we - society at large - gives enough creedance to just how crucial that reality is.
Hang out or get out.
It struck me because I write YA fiction. And at the crux of a lot of teen angst is peer pressure of some sort. Sometimes pressure from the wider circle i.e. the student population of one's school or from the more intimate circle that is an individual's friends.
One of my series' characters, Jacinta, faces that very dilemma. She's from a low-income neighborhood, but is transplanted against her will to a middle class suburb in Del Rio Bay. Throughout the series, I deal with Jacinta's struggle to enjoy life in the 'burbs while staying loyal to her boyfriend and friend back in her old nabe. In other words, she's not sure whether to get out or hang out.
The way Wilbon put it sums it up so perfectly. I'd never thought about it so simply until now. And never, has the thought of having to choose to do one or the other, struck me so vehemently.
The truth is, we don't ever really grow out of peer pressure. We merely learn to deal with it better as we grow into adulthood.
If you say you don't run into peer pressure as an adult, you're either lying or unaware how to define that pressure. It could be as simple as your friends harassing you because you've missed one too many girls/boy's night out -or- family riding your back because you didn't bother to show at the last gathering.
The pressure's still there, we just don't lose sleep when we buck it.
I'm not going to wax on about whether or not Sean Taylor's "past" had anything to do with his death. Or whether he chose too late to get out. It's not my place. And I'm not familiar enough with him or his background to add anything articulate to the discussion.
But I've had my fair share of ribbing from people about the bad boy antics of Miami players, when they find out I'm a U fan. Miami players are notorious for their off-field behavior, to the point that it's no secret some view them little more as thugs pursuing a degree.
Unfair, because what's not emphasized is that these guys are still young. Very young.
Don't we all remember what it's like to be so young that we can't fathom there being any real serious consequence to our actions? Drugs, sex, violence, crime...whatever.
Don't we remember what it's like to go along with the crowd (be it our roomates, suite mates, or team mates) simply because we're caught up in life at the moment?
If we don't, we should.
Because many young people face the very real choice of hanging out or getting out within various situations. Some make bad choices because they can't see beyond their current situation. They may end up hanging out, because they don't realize they can get out.
They don't realize they can make other friends. That eventually, like-minded follks find one another.
True, it's not always easy. And it's damn lonely to be on your own until you find a new support system - but it can be done.
But we have to find another way to help them make that choice. It's not enough to present the choice, there have to be alternatives offered and close guidance on next steps for those who decide to get out.
It's easy to direct someone to make that choice, when you're secure in your own lifestyle. But next time you shake your head, in frustration, because a young person didn't get out fast enough or because you simply don't understand why they refuse to make the choice, ask yourself if you've done anything to help those near you to make a similiar choice.
posted by Paula at 3:31 PM
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